I will attempt to educate you about cricket.

Cricket is a game that is played by throwing a very hard little red ball at you, that you have to protect yourself from with a big stick, called a bat. It was invented by the English as an excuse to throw a rock at people from other countries without getting into trouble.

When your team is in to bat, you go out to bat until you are out, at which point you come in. Then the next guy to be in goes out until he is out and then he comes in. When you whole team has been in, and all gone out, then the other team goes in until they come in once they are out.

You can go out with a duck. Not that I'd want to. They're not all they're quacked up to be. Anyway, I digress. You can go out with a duck if you don't hit the ball anywhere significant. In fact, you can go out with a royal duck, which sounds better, and is actually worse, if you don't hit the ball at all.

Some guys have a maiden over. Alright! That sounds better than a duck! This is when you don't get any runs. Getting the runs is normally a very bad thing, especially in the middle of a board meeting. Apparently in cricket, getting the runs is a good thing.

A guy called a silly mid off stands in a place where he can get his head knocked off by the ball. Behind the batsman are some guys called slips. I think they are called that because the ball slips between their fingers all the time. There's also a guy called long off, and others called square leg, gully, point, short leg, leg slip and fine leg. Sounds like they get the players from a circus. And, no, fine leg is not a lady player.

They hammer three little sticks into the ground behind the batsman, called wickets. These seem to be there to protect a guy who huddles behind them. They don't work very well though. The ball keeps knocking this little fence over.

The guy throwing the ball bowls for one over. When it's over another guy bowls for an over until it's over. He throws the ball six times, unless there's a leg bye, or a wide, or a no ball, or he gives up.

A cricket game can last up to five days. Hardened, determined supporters bravely endure these five days of mind numbing boredom for their teams. It's quite inspiring. What dedication. At the end of the five days they normally run out of time, and the match ends in a draw.

Lastly, watch out for the double Nelson! This is when you have to stand on one leg, when the total score reaches 111. I don't know what happens when you don't stand on one leg. Try it, and let me know, if you can!